put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
