I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
