i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
