I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
