well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
