I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
