i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
