Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
