An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
nutella sex= disaster
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
