the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
