My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
