Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
