omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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