I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
