Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
