Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
