Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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