guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
