so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
