he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
