I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
