My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
