Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
