Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
