i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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