Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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