At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
