I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
