I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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