Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
