please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
