So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
