the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
