I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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