I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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