He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
