Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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