in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
