I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
