i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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