Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
