Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize