I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
