omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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