i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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