did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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