just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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