The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
