You're so nebulous sometimes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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