weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
