I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
