these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
