Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
