Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
