FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
