Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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