You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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