On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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