If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
