Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found the puke drawer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
