so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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