David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
