We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
