Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize