the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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