Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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