So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
