i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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